


you chose her

by cloudykozume



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Hurt Kozume Kenma, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, POV Kozume Kenma, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love, hinata shouyou - Freeform, projecting onto kenma again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:42:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28421139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudykozume/pseuds/cloudykozume
Summary: this is what is going on inside kenma’s brain. enjoy.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Hinata Shouyou/Yachi Hitoka
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	you chose her

I see the light in your eyes when you look at her. I see the flush of your cheeks and the way your smile shines ten times brighter than normal. 

It’s all because of  her.

_ Yachi Hitoka. _

I hate her name. I hate the way it sounds coming from your mouth. It sounds ugly and distorted. It sounds like tv static and forks against glass plates.

I hate her stupid, brown eyes and her blonde hair. I hate her perfect, pink lips and the way her face looks when she kisses you. I hate it so much.

But most of all I hate the way that she’s been nothing but kind to me. 

Why can’t she be evil? I want her to destroy my soul and break my heart. I want her to kill me on the inside. I need a valid reason to hate her the way I do. I shouldn’t want that but I do.

I’m selfish and maybe that’s why you chose her.

You chose her because she’s better for you. Hitoka is healthier. She’s the sunshine and rainbows that you talk about. She’s the constellations you love so much, she’s the happy ending. 

And i’m not.

I’m the antagonist, the bad guy. I’m the smeared graphite on a hand written essay. I’m the ashes left behind from a cigarette. I’m not good. 

And once again, I’m so, so,  _ so _ selfish.

I’m selfish because I still want you to choose me. I want you to love me above anything else. I want you to hate her the way I do. I mean, your names don’t even sound good together. 

_Hinata Hitoka_. It sounds lame.

Kozume Shouyou sounds better, not lame at all. 

God, what am I saying? You’re not even marrying her. You won’t marry her, will you? You’ll realize Hitoka isn’t the one for you and you’ll end things, right?

There goes my greediness again.

I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. That’s all I am. I don’t know how to stop myself from wanting you. Do I want to stop wanting you? I don’t know. I don’t understand anything right now.

Maybe that’s why you chose her.

Hitoka is so much better for you, why cant I accept it? Why can’t I just be happy for you? 

You know what, I don’t wanna be happy for you. I don’t want to like Hitoka. I want to hate her so much.

No, NO, NO. That’s not right either.

I want to  _ be  _ her.

I  _ wish _ I were Hitoka.

I’m not pretty like her, I’m not healthy like her. I’m not good like her.

Why?

I hate myself. More than I hate Hitoka, more than I ever will hate her. I don’t deserve you, not at all. You don’t need to be around me, I think I would burn you if you touched me.

You’re all the beautiful in the world, all the good.

I love you.

Oh god.

_ I  love you. _

I fucking love you.

Why does it taste bitter?

Why does that phrase make me want to vomit? 

I guess love doesn’t taste as sweet when it’s not mutual.

Funny.


End file.
